Back In The Day

This just cracked me up - way too many memories come along with this song! This was one of my favorite bands back in Jr high, my friends I would "sing" this song at the tops of our lungs. Believe it or not I knew all of the lyrics back in the day. Enjoy laughing at my memories!

Homemade Christmas Memories

In my last post I mentioned that Rob and I decided to have a homemade Christmas this year. We decided that since there was nothing we really wanted or for that matter needed, we would save our money so we could have some fun out in California in January. The presents we made are far more meaningful than anything we could have purchased and have helped us keep our focus on Christ rather than ourselves.

Here is what we made:


I did my very first watercolor painting inspired by our engagement photo and then put Song of Songs 2:16 "My beloved is mine and I am his" in the corner over the rocks.



Rob made me a clock, and he even put a battery in it so it runs (that's an inside joke - I have a small clock collection and Rob made me take out all of the batteries because the ticking drove him crazy). The flower on the clock is a photo my nephew took and the verse is one of my favorites Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" On the back Rob wrote me a little reminder, "So many times we think our timing is best, but really God's timing is perfect." (There is more to his message but it's mushy stuff) Now each time I look at my clock I will be reminded of my husbands love and God's perfect timing. Overall we have had a blessed Christmas day!

Catching Up

It has been pointed out to me that I am becoming a slogger (Blogger + slacker= slogger), and so I am going to remedy that right now and finally post something. Since it has taken so long to get something written down you might be expecting something deep, or meaningful from me. If that is so you may be disappointed. I have chosen to write something that hopefully will be a little entertaining.

Several weeks ago Angie a blogging friend I have never actually had the pleasure of meeting, tagged me to share seven weird or random things about myself. So here it goes:

1) I am married to an incredibly kind man. I've been struggling the last few days with the whole Christmas/no kids thing. Rob, recognizing that I was having a hard time left me a very sweet voicemail that helped me refocus myself from the pity party I was having to being grateful for the life I have.

2) My favorite candy is orange Tic Tacs. I can't get enough of them. Most people can eat one or two at a time making a little box last for days. I'm lucky if a little box lasts 5 minutes! Do you think there is a 12 step program for Tic Tacs?

3) I don't like to have my feet touched. I never have and probably never will.

4) The ring finger on both of my hands is double jointed which makes buying rings a pain since they have to be big enough to go over the knuckle but small enough so it doesn't spin around on the finger itself.

5) I make funny faces when I talk. Someone once told me I use faces as punctuation. My friend Judy enjoys laughing at me when I make my random faces so when I went out to California one time I gave her an envelope with a photographs of me making a funny faces, one for each day I was gone. Apparently she put them up on her refrigerator each day so she could start her day laughing.

6) I over emphasize my "ings". For example when I say singing it usually comes out more like "sing-ging". Apparently have done this since I was little and I usually don't even realize I've done it until someone starts laughing or imitates me.

7) My eating habits are based on the texture and look of food. For example I like apples, cinnamon, and the flavor of pie crust but I can't stand apple pie because its mushy. Even after 8+ years of marriage my husband is still amazed at what I will and will not eat and the reasons behind these choices.

So now I get to tag seven of you to share seven weird/random things about yourself on your blogs and I choose...Elizabeth, Bethany, Nicole, Shelly, Rob M., Christa, and Melissa. I put a link to each of these blogs so you can hold them accountable and see what they wrote. Who knows you might get tagged too!

God is Awesome!

I just got home from church a little while ago and decided to check my email and blogs before heading to bed. Boy am I glad I did! Beth Moore has a new post on her blog that really touched my heart. Here's the part of the post that really got me into an attitude of gratitude;

"It hit me how much God loves for us to call Him by Name and that, when we cry out to Him with titles that have become such meaningful endearments to us - such expressions of relationship, those cries are utterly irresistible to Him. Sometimes, because He knows what we need more than we do, it may seem He's not responding but, in reality, He's right on the other side of that door greatly moved. And timing His obvious entrance just right.
Simple truth this morning. God LOVES to hear you call Him by Name. A Name that MEANS something to you. A term of deep endearment. When the spirit within you cries out, "Abba, Father!" your voice is irresistible to Him. If you'll permit this English teacher a double-negative, God never DOESN'T respond. You may not see Him right away but He will be right next to you all along. He hears you and He WILL act at exactly the right time. Somehow it was profound to me. We - fretful, inconsistent children weak in our natural selves - MOVE THE HEART OF GOD. Because that's the Way He wanted it. Every single time we cry out. Every single time we use His Name and mean it. We are heard. His heart teems with affection and His restraint demands His own long suffering. Take heart!
'Those who know Your Name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.' Psalm 9:10"

Heading into this break from all things related to fertility (Woo-hoo no more Clomid!!) I needed to be reminded that God's timing is perfect. The fact that I have not seen the answer to prayers does by no means mean that He has not heard my cries. He is just timing His entrance. What an amazing God we serve! What an incredible gift it is to know Him and be known by Him! What an honor to serve Him! What a joy to praise Him!

Another blog I visit had a post with more "Isn't God Great" information. Visit Angie's blog to get all the details but here is a picture that goes along with her post and displays one more example of God's Awesomeness.

"Lift up your eyes on high And see who has created these stars, The One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, Not one of them is missing." Is. 40:26


This, believe it or not, is the nucleus of the Whirlpool Galaxy! How cool is that?

And to make a long post even longer, I just have to share an example of God's Awesomeness as displayed in my life. A while ago I posted about my desire to get out of retail and back into Education, God has answered my prayers and has led me to a new job. Starting in about a week I will be working as a one-on-one ed tech once again. I am SOOO excited. God is good!

You Call That Art?

The mall I work at does a pumpkin decorating contest for all of the stores each Halloween. We decided to decorate our pumpkin to look like our Big Boss John and I was chosen to paint it. Here are a couple of pictures. Sorry the picture of John is so blurry, it's a picture of a photocopied picture in a store newsletter so the quality is not the greatest (This at least gives you an idea of what the pumpkin was supposed to look like)

And So It Begins

Well it happened some time in the night...the first snow fall of the season. There is just a enough snow covering cars, tree branches and roof tops to remind us of all that lies ahead. I guess it's time for me to start my annual "Now, where did I put my gloves?" hunt.

A Break is on the Horizon

We only have one more IUI to do. Since the holidays are coming we are going to wait to do that last one until sometime after the new year. I'm thankful I'll be off the meds for the holidays. That time of year has become increasingly difficult over the last few years, and the thought of facing them on meds is almost unbearable. So here we sit, again, facing our last chance of medical intervention resting wholly on our Lord's love, wisdom and mercy. I am tired and need to rest in Him for a while without thinking about this.

I sometimes feel like I am this issue. This is what I'm known for. This is how people interact with me. This is how people talk with me. I wonder is there anything more to me than infertility? Will people be as interested in my life if we are no longer going through treatment? Have I let this consume me to the point that I no longer exist outside of this issue? I have learned so much about the Lord through this journey. He has displayed His tenderness, His provision and His love countless times and in innumerable ways. I have not given up hope that we will have a child, I still believe. But I'm tired. I didn't know before that there is a difference between losing faith in something and growing weary. Now I think there is difference. Sometimes the Lord pushes us forward through our weariness to get to His goal. Other times He lets us rest in Him for a time, strengthening us to continue. Either way He gets us to where we need to be.

There really isn't a point to this post. I'm just thinking out loud. Thats it. Just thinking out loud.

Digging Deeper

Last week was a rather challenging week for me. I spent much of the week having to keep track of my thoughts, taking each one captive. We started treatments again and my brain was all over the place. By the end of the week I was nearly overtaken by fear. Things felt too familiar and I was fearful I would experience loss once again. It was at this point that the Lord truly displayed His love and mercy by surrounding me with women that recognized where I was, came up beside me to hold me up, and spoke God's word to me and over me. God is so good! He knew my need and He tenderly met it. By the end of church on Saturday much of the fear was gone and I knew that whatever happened it would be ok because my hope is in the Lord, my hope IS the Lord and He is all I truly need. To those of you that helped me through this time (you know who you are), thank you for allowing the Lord to use you to minister to my hurting and fearfilled heart. You are precious to me.

As one of these ladies prayed with me she shared a portion of scripture I had not read for awhile. I'm not going to share it here right now because it felt like a personal gift from the Lord that I need to treasure in private for the time being. The portion she shared did get me thinking about God's heart towards women that have walked the same path I have been walking. The bible is filled with women in the old and new testaments that have experienced the struggles I am now facing. Hannah, Sarah, the woman that touched Christ's robe, Elizabeth. It tells me something about God's heart that He would use these examples to show His mercy, provision, healing, faithfulness and love. Those times that I feel alone and abandoned, all I need to do is look in His word and see the truth.

I want to dig even deeper into these portions of scripture. Does anyone know of any good commentaries or books that focus on the scriptures featuring these women specifically?

Reason #35

For some completely unknown and unexplainable reason I decided to bake yesterday. My friend Melissa and her baby were visiting and while Elizabeth quietly napped, I began my cookie making adventure. Melissa sat at the kitchen table looking through my scrapbooks as I carefully measured and mixed flour, eggs, sugars and other various ingredients. It was a rather "Good Housekeeping" moment I must admit. Once the chocolate chips were added to the mixture I carefully placed globs of dough onto my Pampered Chef baking stones, slid one of them into my pre-heated oven, set the timer and headed into the living room with Melissa to watch the classic 80's Disney cartoon, "The Fox and The Hound." As we enjoyed the start of our movie the house filled with delectible smells from the oven. Our mouths watered as I took the first tray out of the oven and replaced it with my second tray of ready to bake treats.

Several minutes into the baking process a loud cracking sound came from the kitchen. I quickly got up to investigate. This is what I found.

This appears to be a normal stove but look closer.


Can't tell what you are looking at? Let me get a little closer for you.


Yes, that's the door to my stove COMPLETELY shattered! How did this happen? I don't know. Why did it happen? No clue. All I know is that this is Reason #35 I don't cook very often!

As Promised

Here are a few pictures of the new place as promised. I didn't include all of the rooms because I haven't done any decorating in them yet. But at least you can see some of what I've been up to the last few weeks. As I get things finished I'll post more pictures.

Thanks

Thanks to all that responded to my last post. I haven't figured out exactly what I'm going to do, but I have a few ideas bouncing around in my head. I'll let you know when something concrete actually takes place.

Since I last wrote Rob and I have finally moved into our new apartment. We are really enjoying the extra space and the fact that we have no stairs to climb! (I think that's my favorite part!) I've finally made it through all of the boxes and am now beginning to actually decorate. When I get things hung I'll post some pictures.

Thanks again for all the encouragement and suggestions. Love to you all.

When I Grow Up...

A long time ago in a state far far away, I was a teacher. I went to school for many years to become a teacher, taught third grade for a while and then found myself completely burned out. While I absolutely loved my time in front of the kids actually teaching, I was completely overwhelmed with practically every other aspect of the job. Yet here I am several years, and a couple of unfulfilling jobs later wondering if I should go back to the classroom.

I miss working with kids. I miss thinking of creative ways to explain a concept so that my students walk away at the end of the day knowing more than when we started. I miss witnessing that "oh, I get it!!" moment.

So why am I still in retail? Fear. I'm afraid that teaching here would not be different enough from my experience in California and I would be just as miserable as I was there. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that I can not continue doing what I am doing forever. I feel my gifts and talents beginning to atrophy within me.

As I continue to sort all of this out, I am open to suggestions. If you think you know what I should do with my career, please share, even if it is outlandish, even if you don't actually know me I'm open to hearing your thoughts too.

Epiphany

I recently had an epiphany that led to an apology. It all started with a trip to the fair. I accompanied my friend Judy and her family to the fair to watch the Moto X show (If you are not sure what that is watch the video below, even if you do know what it is watch the video because its cool). We enjoyed watching it so much Judy and I went back the next night to watch two more performances!

A few days after the show I had the epiphany: I am just like my mother! You see my mom loves watching NASCAR. She's traveled several hours on several occasions to watch major races. I have mocked my mother on a rather frequent basis about this (which is where the apology fits into the story). I realized that watching cars fly around a track at break neck speeds and watching motorcycles do flips in the air are really not that different. I AM just like my mother - and I'm proud of it! We both are sideline adrenaline junkies.

"REVERSAL!"

Back in high school and early college I went to Disneyland with a group of friends on a fairly regular basis. I don't remember when it first happened but at some point the Teacups in Fantasyland became a "must ride" attraction. Once we were settled in our teacups, the guys would prepare themselves for the start of the ride. It was vital that you get a good start from the moment the ride began or you would be playing catch up for the rest of the ride and never reach maximum spin velocity. In perfect unison the guys would move their hands round and round the wheel to get their teacup spinning as fast as they possibly could. I usually spent my time searching for a stationary object outside the teacup to focus on in an attempt to keep equilibrium. I've never figured out how they did this, but at the same moment I would regain some control of the nausea growing inside my stomach, one of the guys would yell "REVERSAL!" at the top of his lungs and suddenly the teacup would begin spinning at the same velocity but in the opposite direction. I'm sure you can imagine the impact this had on my inner ear and stomach.

At first I wasn't sure why I woke up the other morning with this memory replaying vividly in my mind. But as I thought about it I realized that this is what the last week or two has felt like; a giant reversal. The ride began with "You're pregnant" and just as I was coming out of the shock - "REVERSAL!"

I always knew the nausea and dizziness of the Teacup ride would be gone shortly after exiting the ride. This life reversal however has the potential of messing with my life for far longer if I allow it to. I'm discovering however that the only way to avoid permanent damage from such a wild ride is to keep my eyes on the Lord. He, and He alone must be the stationary object I focus on. He is the only thing I can depend on. I may experience more reversals in my life, but if I keep focused on Jesus I will not be destroyed by them, I will victoriously praise Him for His loving mercy once again.

Now For Something On the Lighter Side

I saw this video on a friend's MySpace account and it made me laugh, so after sharing so many serious posts I thought I might share something light hearted. Those of you that know me will understand why this tickled me so much. For those of you just getting to know me, enjoy learning a little bit more about me. Enjoy.

Rejoicing With a Heavy Heart

First, I want to thank all of you for such joyful responses to our news. You encouraged us greatly. What a blessing it has been these past two days to hear people rejoice along with us. As Rob and I spoke with people we have heard over and over again how news of this pregnancy renewed their faith, answered a prayer (not a prayer for us, but a private prayer they had prayed for themselves), showed them that God is alive and active in the lives of His children. It is this knowledge of how God used this child to minister to His body that brings comfort to me as I must now face the news that we have lost this pregnancy.

Even as I write that I am amazed at how God has ministered to my heart. You see, in my flesh, my usual knee jerk reaction is to have a little pity party. The ol' "well of course this happened, nothing good ever happens, blah, blah, blah." But God's grace and the prayers that have been covering us allow me to sit here tonight and say, my heart may be heavy - but my joy IS the Lord. He IS a God of miracles and has displayed one in my body, He is the source of my strength, and ALL of my hope is in Him. My hope has been restored. He is a good God and He loves me, and for that I am grateful.

Thanks in advance for your continued prayers. I look forward to the day when we can rejoice like this once again.

Love to you all...

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Romans 4:21 tells us that Abraham was, "being fully assured that what He (God) had promised, He was able also to perform." While I, unlike Abraham, wavered in unbelief, I too can now say with out a doubt say that what God had promised, He was able to perform. For you see - about 9 hours I ago I heard the words so many have been praying I would hear: "Congratulations, you are pregnant." I'm pregnant. I am PREGNANT. I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!! Even typing it is making me cry. I can't believe that God was so incredibly faithful even when I was not. He is so good!

I didn't post about my blood test on Monday because I woke up thinking that my period was starting and there was no need to do the test. Several days, and several negative home pregnancy tests later I went in today for a blood test just to set my mind at ease. Not to convince me that I was pregnant, because I didn't think I was. I wanted definative proof that I was not pregnant so each time that thought entered my mind I could combat it with what I thought was truth. Praise God I was wrong! Cause did you hear?? I'm pregnant!

Now that it's almost time for bed, I'm replaying the day in my mind. The thing that stands out to me besides the obvious is just how God has surrounded Rob and I with friends and family that have faithfully stood in the gap to pray for us over the years. Each time we told someone today, God reminded me of the way that person has prayed for us, encouraged us, cried with us and loved us. Each and every person displayed God's love to us and for us. Thank you to each and every one of you that has prayed for us, your ministry of prayer has touched us more than I can say.

I must ask you to continue to pray for our child. My hormone levels were low on the blood test. So please join us as we pray that these levels would increase to a healthy level. I'll keep you posted. Once again I must say it...GOD IS GOOD!!

Wait

Tomorrow ends another two week wait. How am I feeling about it? Numb. Half of me is completely excited about the fact that this could be the end of the journey, the other half is completely scared that this is just going to lead to disappointment. So to keep these two halves from driving me crazy I've gone numb.

Last night at church a friend shared something with me that I had not thought about before. This friend is going through this same situation so she shared what someone else had shared with her. If Sarah had been blessed with a child right away, without having to wait until she and Abraham were old, Issac would have been too old for Rebekah. God's timing is perfect. So we just need to trust Him and His timing.

So once again it all goes back to Psalm 27: 14 "Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart that courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." So that's what I'm going to do. Wait.

Cale and Nicole's Wedding

This past weekend I had the privilege of standing up for my "little sister" Nicole as she married her love Cale. It was an incredibly beautiful, and personal ceremony. Scott, the music director at our church did a great job as officiant (his very first, by the way). I love it when the pastor performing the ceremony knows the couple and can make it apply to them rather than just a cookie cutter event.

I took my camera to the event but didn't think through the fact that the Matron of Honor has very little opportunity to actually take pictures at a wedding, so until I can get copies of pictures from others, please take a peak at Elizabeth's Blog. She has some great shots.

A Day At Eagle Lake

On Monday Rob's family and I traveled North to enjoy a day of rest and fun at Eagle Lake. It rained on and off as we drove up there, and to be honest I was wondering why we were even going since Rob and I had to leave fairly early to get back to town for an IUI (we did two IUI's this cycle one on Monday and another on Tuesday). Once we got there, however, the rain disappeared and we had a blast out on the water enjoying each other's company.

Cool Slideshows!

Candace and Andy's Wedding

This past weekend we got to celebrate the marriage of my niece Candace to her fiance Andy. It was an incredibly beautiful, personal, and God filled ceremony. Here are a few pictures for you to enjoy.

Cool Slideshows!

Evidence of Grace

This day loomed before me for quite a while. Yet as its come, and now nearly gone, I've found that God's grace is bigger than my grief. One year ago today my dad passed away. I was fearful that my grief would overwhelm me, and while I've been sad, I find myself enjoying the old memories of Dad's laugh and smile more than I've felt the grief. So here are a couple of pictures of me and my dad so you can smile along with me.

God is So Good!

Let me start by saying that God is SO good! Wednesday after discovering that we were not pregnant, I came home from work and called Josette. What a blessing to have a friend and doctor that "mourns with those that mourn and rejoices with those that are rejoicing." After a good talk, and an even better cry, I put on some praise music and was able to sleep for a couple of hours which did my body and heart good.

As the day progressed and after several phone calls between the Hunter's and the Kavanaugh's, it was decided that Doug and Josette would pick us up for a double date. When they arrived at our house, Rob informed me that he had a surprise for me. I, of couse, was completely clueless and it even took me a few seconds to recognize the surprise even when it was right in front of me. The surprise?...



This isn't the actual limo we used but the look and feel of this image is pretty close. Doug had someone from work drive us in one of his limo's up to Caribou for dinner and a movie. It was so much fun!

Once we came home and were able to talk, Rob and I both commented on how gracious and kind God had been to us. From our perspective the Lord used Doug and Josette to lavish His love on us, to show us a little favor, and to let us know that He has His eye on us. We are so incredibly thankful that we live here. God has surrounded us with so many friends that have supported us in prayer, and have encouraged us with Godly relationships.

Once again I must say - God is So Good!!

The Wait Has Ended

Psalm 34:18 promises; "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." That is how I'm feeling this morning and I desperately need my Lord near me.

While my natural desire is to curl up in bed and hide for a while, I am choosing to focus on my Savior, my Healer, my Creator...my Abba.

Psalm 61: 5-8
My soul, wait in silence for God alone. For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my salvation, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.

Thoughts on Waiting

Waiting stinks! That's it. No more to say.

So what goes through my head as I head into the last few days of this two week wait?
Psalm 27: 14
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart that courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."

There's a light at the end of the tunnel

I've heard this song many times before but seeing it with these images totally changed the song for me. I had never thought about the words of the song applying to this part of my life, and yet how well they fit!

A few weeks ago at our Women's Prayer Retreat, I asked the Lord to give me a new word to help me deal with the whole 'baby thing'. His response? "I already gave you a word! Now just be patient and praise me while you wait!!" OK, so I'm paraphrasing a little, but that was the gist of His message for me.

So yesterday when we went in for another IUI, I found myself excited, praising Him for encouraging me with a peek at my clearly formed ovary, perfectly positioned uterus and 8 nicely developing follicles. In the past when we went in for this procedure I was nervous, not about the procedure but about the outcome. This time I feel a real peace. I truly feel that there is a light at the end of this tunnel!

For my groom...

This is one of my favorite pictures from my wedding. Not because it is all that fabulous of a photo, but because it takes me back to the moments just before the doors at the back of the church opened for me to make my grand entrance. You see I was peeking through the crack in the door watching Rob get into place at the front of the church. I remember thinking how handsome he looked in his tux. He could hardly contain his excitement as he waited in front of our friends and family. I found out later that he had been up since 5 or 6 AM anxiously awaiting the ceremony and after spending some time praying in the parking lot of the church, drove up and down the freeway as he listened to loud music (apparently he couldn't sit still). As the doors opened for me I watched my groom as his breath was taken from him and he literally took a step backward. I had never before felt more beautiful as I did when I saw his reaction to seeing me in wedding gown for the first time.

For many people their wedding day was the best day of their life. A day they long to repeat. And while it was an incredible day that I will never forget and will always treasure, it was after all just a day. One day in a lifetime of love together. I said earlier that I had never felt more beautiful as I did that day, but I have been blessed to feel that way over and over again since then because my groom, 8 years later, still sees me that way. The Word tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. As my husband has loved me unconditionally he has taught me about Christ's love, Rob's love for me is a picture of Christ's love. I thank God each day for this man He gave to me.

So as we celebrate our 8th year of marriage I just want to thank my groom for loving me and for letting me love him. Thank you for standing by me and being such an incredible source of strength, support and encouragement. Thank you for willingly submitting your self to Christ and letting Him mold you into a man after His heart. You are an incredible man and I am proud to be your bride. I can't wait see what the Lord has in store for us!

A Blast from My Past

Just a few minutes ago I was reunited with one of my earliest friends (I don't want to say oldest friends since this is one of those "big" birthday years for us and, I at least, find myself a little more sensitive to the word "oldest"). Brenna and I met in 2nd grade and were pretty much inseperable. Our families became close friends which made for some fun memories growing up. We have lost track of eachother a few times but every few years or so we find ourselves reunited. Here are a few pictures of us way back when. I have always been blessed by my friendship with Brenna and the rest of the Betcher clan (my "other" family) and am excited to catch up with all of them! Enjoy the pictures-