Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Here is what we made:
I did my very first watercolor painting inspired by our engagement photo and then put Song of Songs 2:16 "My beloved is mine and I am his" in the corner over the rocks.
Rob made me a clock, and he even put a battery in it so it runs (that's an inside joke - I have a small clock collection and Rob made me take out all of the batteries because the ticking drove him crazy). The flower on the clock is a photo my nephew took and the verse is one of my favorites Psalm 27:13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" On the back Rob wrote me a little reminder, "So many times we think our timing is best, but really God's timing is perfect." (There is more to his message but it's mushy stuff) Now each time I look at my clock I will be reminded of my husbands love and God's perfect timing. Overall we have had a blessed Christmas day!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Several weeks ago Angie a blogging friend I have never actually had the pleasure of meeting, tagged me to share seven weird or random things about myself. So here it goes:
1) I am married to an incredibly kind man. I've been struggling the last few days with the whole Christmas/no kids thing. Rob, recognizing that I was having a hard time left me a very sweet voicemail that helped me refocus myself from the pity party I was having to being grateful for the life I have.
2) My favorite candy is orange Tic Tacs. I can't get enough of them. Most people can eat one or two at a time making a little box last for days. I'm lucky if a little box lasts 5 minutes! Do you think there is a 12 step program for Tic Tacs?
3) I don't like to have my feet touched. I never have and probably never will.
4) The ring finger on both of my hands is double jointed which makes buying rings a pain since they have to be big enough to go over the knuckle but small enough so it doesn't spin around on the finger itself.
5) I make funny faces when I talk. Someone once told me I use faces as punctuation. My friend Judy enjoys laughing at me when I make my random faces so when I went out to California one time I gave her an envelope with a photographs of me making a funny faces, one for each day I was gone. Apparently she put them up on her refrigerator each day so she could start her day laughing.
6) I over emphasize my "ings". For example when I say singing it usually comes out more like "sing-ging". Apparently have done this since I was little and I usually don't even realize I've done it until someone starts laughing or imitates me.
7) My eating habits are based on the texture and look of food. For example I like apples, cinnamon, and the flavor of pie crust but I can't stand apple pie because its mushy. Even after 8+ years of marriage my husband is still amazed at what I will and will not eat and the reasons behind these choices.
So now I get to tag seven of you to share seven weird/random things about yourself on your blogs and I choose...Elizabeth, Bethany, Nicole, Shelly, Rob M., Christa, and Melissa. I put a link to each of these blogs so you can hold them accountable and see what they wrote. Who knows you might get tagged too!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
"It hit me how much God loves for us to call Him by Name and that, when we cry out to Him with titles that have become such meaningful endearments to us - such expressions of relationship, those cries are utterly irresistible to Him. Sometimes, because He knows what we need more than we do, it may seem He's not responding but, in reality, He's right on the other side of that door greatly moved. And timing His obvious entrance just right.
Simple truth this morning. God LOVES to hear you call Him by Name. A Name that MEANS something to you. A term of deep endearment. When the spirit within you cries out, "Abba, Father!" your voice is irresistible to Him. If you'll permit this English teacher a double-negative, God never DOESN'T respond. You may not see Him right away but He will be right next to you all along. He hears you and He WILL act at exactly the right time. Somehow it was profound to me. We - fretful, inconsistent children weak in our natural selves - MOVE THE HEART OF GOD. Because that's the Way He wanted it. Every single time we cry out. Every single time we use His Name and mean it. We are heard. His heart teems with affection and His restraint demands His own long suffering. Take heart!
'Those who know Your Name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.' Psalm 9:10"
Heading into this break from all things related to fertility (Woo-hoo no more Clomid!!) I needed to be reminded that God's timing is perfect. The fact that I have not seen the answer to prayers does by no means mean that He has not heard my cries. He is just timing His entrance. What an amazing God we serve! What an incredible gift it is to know Him and be known by Him! What an honor to serve Him! What a joy to praise Him!
Another blog I visit had a post with more "Isn't God Great" information. Visit Angie's blog to get all the details but here is a picture that goes along with her post and displays one more example of God's Awesomeness.
"Lift up your eyes on high And see who has created these stars, The One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, Not one of them is missing." Is. 40:26
This, believe it or not, is the nucleus of the Whirlpool Galaxy! How cool is that?
And to make a long post even longer, I just have to share an example of God's Awesomeness as displayed in my life. A while ago I posted about my desire to get out of retail and back into Education, God has answered my prayers and has led me to a new job. Starting in about a week I will be working as a one-on-one ed tech once again. I am SOOO excited. God is good!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I sometimes feel like I am this issue. This is what I'm known for. This is how people interact with me. This is how people talk with me. I wonder is there anything more to me than infertility? Will people be as interested in my life if we are no longer going through treatment? Have I let this consume me to the point that I no longer exist outside of this issue? I have learned so much about the Lord through this journey. He has displayed His tenderness, His provision and His love countless times and in innumerable ways. I have not given up hope that we will have a child, I still believe. But I'm tired. I didn't know before that there is a difference between losing faith in something and growing weary. Now I think there is difference. Sometimes the Lord pushes us forward through our weariness to get to His goal. Other times He lets us rest in Him for a time, strengthening us to continue. Either way He gets us to where we need to be.
There really isn't a point to this post. I'm just thinking out loud. Thats it. Just thinking out loud.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
As one of these ladies prayed with me she shared a portion of scripture I had not read for awhile. I'm not going to share it here right now because it felt like a personal gift from the Lord that I need to treasure in private for the time being. The portion she shared did get me thinking about God's heart towards women that have walked the same path I have been walking. The bible is filled with women in the old and new testaments that have experienced the struggles I am now facing. Hannah, Sarah, the woman that touched Christ's robe, Elizabeth. It tells me something about God's heart that He would use these examples to show His mercy, provision, healing, faithfulness and love. Those times that I feel alone and abandoned, all I need to do is look in His word and see the truth.
I want to dig even deeper into these portions of scripture. Does anyone know of any good commentaries or books that focus on the scriptures featuring these women specifically?
Saturday, September 29, 2007
This appears to be a normal stove but look closer.
Can't tell what you are looking at? Let me get a little closer for you.
Yes, that's the door to my stove COMPLETELY shattered! How did this happen? I don't know. Why did it happen? No clue. All I know is that this is Reason #35 I don't cook very often!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
Since I last wrote Rob and I have finally moved into our new apartment. We are really enjoying the extra space and the fact that we have no stairs to climb! (I think that's my favorite part!) I've finally made it through all of the boxes and am now beginning to actually decorate. When I get things hung I'll post some pictures.
Thanks again for all the encouragement and suggestions. Love to you all.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
I miss working with kids. I miss thinking of creative ways to explain a concept so that my students walk away at the end of the day knowing more than when we started. I miss witnessing that "oh, I get it!!" moment.
So why am I still in retail? Fear. I'm afraid that teaching here would not be different enough from my experience in California and I would be just as miserable as I was there. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that I can not continue doing what I am doing forever. I feel my gifts and talents beginning to atrophy within me.
As I continue to sort all of this out, I am open to suggestions. If you think you know what I should do with my career, please share, even if it is outlandish, even if you don't actually know me I'm open to hearing your thoughts too.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
A few days after the show I had the epiphany: I am just like my mother! You see my mom loves watching NASCAR. She's traveled several hours on several occasions to watch major races. I have mocked my mother on a rather frequent basis about this (which is where the apology fits into the story). I realized that watching cars fly around a track at break neck speeds and watching motorcycles do flips in the air are really not that different. I AM just like my mother - and I'm proud of it! We both are sideline adrenaline junkies.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Back in high school and early college I went to Disneyland with a group of friends on a fairly regular basis. I don't remember when it first happened but at some point the Teacups in Fantasyland became a "must ride" attraction. Once we were settled in our teacups, the guys would prepare themselves for the start of the ride. It was vital that you get a good start from the moment the ride began or you would be playing catch up for the rest of the ride and never reach maximum spin velocity. In perfect unison the guys would move their hands round and round the wheel to get their teacup spinning as fast as they possibly could. I usually spent my time searching for a stationary object outside the teacup to focus on in an attempt to keep equilibrium. I've never figured out how they did this, but at the same moment I would regain some control of the nausea growing inside my stomach, one of the guys would yell "REVERSAL!" at the top of his lungs and suddenly the teacup would begin spinning at the same velocity but in the opposite direction. I'm sure you can imagine the impact this had on my inner ear and stomach.
At first I wasn't sure why I woke up the other morning with this memory replaying vividly in my mind. But as I thought about it I realized that this is what the last week or two has felt like; a giant reversal. The ride began with "You're pregnant" and just as I was coming out of the shock - "REVERSAL!"
I always knew the nausea and dizziness of the Teacup ride would be gone shortly after exiting the ride. This life reversal however has the potential of messing with my life for far longer if I allow it to. I'm discovering however that the only way to avoid permanent damage from such a wild ride is to keep my eyes on the Lord. He, and He alone must be the stationary object I focus on. He is the only thing I can depend on. I may experience more reversals in my life, but if I keep focused on Jesus I will not be destroyed by them, I will victoriously praise Him for His loving mercy once again.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Even as I write that I am amazed at how God has ministered to my heart. You see, in my flesh, my usual knee jerk reaction is to have a little pity party. The ol' "well of course this happened, nothing good ever happens, blah, blah, blah." But God's grace and the prayers that have been covering us allow me to sit here tonight and say, my heart may be heavy - but my joy IS the Lord. He IS a God of miracles and has displayed one in my body, He is the source of my strength, and ALL of my hope is in Him. My hope has been restored. He is a good God and He loves me, and for that I am grateful.
Thanks in advance for your continued prayers. I look forward to the day when we can rejoice like this once again.
Love to you all...
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I didn't post about my blood test on Monday because I woke up thinking that my period was starting and there was no need to do the test. Several days, and several negative home pregnancy tests later I went in today for a blood test just to set my mind at ease. Not to convince me that I was pregnant, because I didn't think I was. I wanted definative proof that I was not pregnant so each time that thought entered my mind I could combat it with what I thought was truth. Praise God I was wrong! Cause did you hear?? I'm pregnant!
Now that it's almost time for bed, I'm replaying the day in my mind. The thing that stands out to me besides the obvious is just how God has surrounded Rob and I with friends and family that have faithfully stood in the gap to pray for us over the years. Each time we told someone today, God reminded me of the way that person has prayed for us, encouraged us, cried with us and loved us. Each and every person displayed God's love to us and for us. Thank you to each and every one of you that has prayed for us, your ministry of prayer has touched us more than I can say.
I must ask you to continue to pray for our child. My hormone levels were low on the blood test. So please join us as we pray that these levels would increase to a healthy level. I'll keep you posted. Once again I must say it...GOD IS GOOD!!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Last night at church a friend shared something with me that I had not thought about before. This friend is going through this same situation so she shared what someone else had shared with her. If Sarah had been blessed with a child right away, without having to wait until she and Abraham were old, Issac would have been too old for Rebekah. God's timing is perfect. So we just need to trust Him and His timing.
So once again it all goes back to Psalm 27: 14 "Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart that courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." So that's what I'm going to do. Wait.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I took my camera to the event but didn't think through the fact that the Matron of Honor has very little opportunity to actually take pictures at a wedding, so until I can get copies of pictures from others, please take a peak at Elizabeth's Blog. She has some great shots.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
As the day progressed and after several phone calls between the Hunter's and the Kavanaugh's, it was decided that Doug and Josette would pick us up for a double date. When they arrived at our house, Rob informed me that he had a surprise for me. I, of couse, was completely clueless and it even took me a few seconds to recognize the surprise even when it was right in front of me. The surprise?...
This isn't the actual limo we used but the look and feel of this image is pretty close. Doug had someone from work drive us in one of his limo's up to Caribou for dinner and a movie. It was so much fun!
Once we came home and were able to talk, Rob and I both commented on how gracious and kind God had been to us. From our perspective the Lord used Doug and Josette to lavish His love on us, to show us a little favor, and to let us know that He has His eye on us. We are so incredibly thankful that we live here. God has surrounded us with so many friends that have supported us in prayer, and have encouraged us with Godly relationships.
Once again I must say - God is So Good!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
While my natural desire is to curl up in bed and hide for a while, I am choosing to focus on my Savior, my Healer, my Creator...my Abba.
Psalm 61: 5-8
My soul, wait in silence for God alone. For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my salvation, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
I've heard this song many times before but seeing it with these images totally changed the song for me. I had never thought about the words of the song applying to this part of my life, and yet how well they fit!
A few weeks ago at our Women's Prayer Retreat, I asked the Lord to give me a new word to help me deal with the whole 'baby thing'. His response? "I already gave you a word! Now just be patient and praise me while you wait!!" OK, so I'm paraphrasing a little, but that was the gist of His message for me.
So yesterday when we went in for another IUI, I found myself excited, praising Him for encouraging me with a peek at my clearly formed ovary, perfectly positioned uterus and 8 nicely developing follicles. In the past when we went in for this procedure I was nervous, not about the procedure but about the outcome. This time I feel a real peace. I truly feel that there is a light at the end of this tunnel!
Monday, April 23, 2007
For many people their wedding day was the best day of their life. A day they long to repeat. And while it was an incredible day that I will never forget and will always treasure, it was after all just a day. One day in a lifetime of love together. I said earlier that I had never felt more beautiful as I did that day, but I have been blessed to feel that way over and over again since then because my groom, 8 years later, still sees me that way. The Word tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. As my husband has loved me unconditionally he has taught me about Christ's love, Rob's love for me is a picture of Christ's love. I thank God each day for this man He gave to me.
So as we celebrate our 8th year of marriage I just want to thank my groom for loving me and for letting me love him. Thank you for standing by me and being such an incredible source of strength, support and encouragement. Thank you for willingly submitting your self to Christ and letting Him mold you into a man after His heart. You are an incredible man and I am proud to be your bride. I can't wait see what the Lord has in store for us!