Monday, May 25, 2009

Hope Relocated

Today, after many hours of trying not to think about the thing that I couldn't stop thinking about, I got the phone call we had been anticipating for the last two days. You see, this past Saturday we applied for a rental home closer to our church, and the call telling us that we were accepted came tonight. We are very excited about this move and can't wait to be out of this condo and into a neighbor free home (the house sits on one acre).

The thing I've struggled with through this home search/application process is the same thing I always struggle with...hope. This process took longer than I thought it should and was rather frustrating. Once I found a place I liked I was just waiting for the disappointment - the landlord didn't want us to live there, or someone else got the place instead of us, or some other pity party excuse to keep me from hoping. I hate that about myself. I hate that I always assume things are not going to work for me. I mean seriously, what harm does disappoint do in the big scheme of things? So what if things don't go the way you think they should. Yet I do all I can to avoid disappoint as if my life will end if I allow myself to hope.

I have no idea how to fix this issue in my life, but I'm not giving up. I'm going to continue trying to learn how to hope without fear. I want to learn that no matter what disappointment I experience I am secure in Christ - my life unchanged because of the security I have in Him and in Him alone.