Wednesday, October 31, 2007

You Call That Art?

The mall I work at does a pumpkin decorating contest for all of the stores each Halloween. We decided to decorate our pumpkin to look like our Big Boss John and I was chosen to paint it. Here are a couple of pictures. Sorry the picture of John is so blurry, it's a picture of a photocopied picture in a store newsletter so the quality is not the greatest (This at least gives you an idea of what the pumpkin was supposed to look like)

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

And So It Begins

Well it happened some time in the night...the first snow fall of the season. There is just a enough snow covering cars, tree branches and roof tops to remind us of all that lies ahead. I guess it's time for me to start my annual "Now, where did I put my gloves?" hunt.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

A Break is on the Horizon

We only have one more IUI to do. Since the holidays are coming we are going to wait to do that last one until sometime after the new year. I'm thankful I'll be off the meds for the holidays. That time of year has become increasingly difficult over the last few years, and the thought of facing them on meds is almost unbearable. So here we sit, again, facing our last chance of medical intervention resting wholly on our Lord's love, wisdom and mercy. I am tired and need to rest in Him for a while without thinking about this.

I sometimes feel like I am this issue. This is what I'm known for. This is how people interact with me. This is how people talk with me. I wonder is there anything more to me than infertility? Will people be as interested in my life if we are no longer going through treatment? Have I let this consume me to the point that I no longer exist outside of this issue? I have learned so much about the Lord through this journey. He has displayed His tenderness, His provision and His love countless times and in innumerable ways. I have not given up hope that we will have a child, I still believe. But I'm tired. I didn't know before that there is a difference between losing faith in something and growing weary. Now I think there is difference. Sometimes the Lord pushes us forward through our weariness to get to His goal. Other times He lets us rest in Him for a time, strengthening us to continue. Either way He gets us to where we need to be.

There really isn't a point to this post. I'm just thinking out loud. Thats it. Just thinking out loud.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Digging Deeper

Last week was a rather challenging week for me. I spent much of the week having to keep track of my thoughts, taking each one captive. We started treatments again and my brain was all over the place. By the end of the week I was nearly overtaken by fear. Things felt too familiar and I was fearful I would experience loss once again. It was at this point that the Lord truly displayed His love and mercy by surrounding me with women that recognized where I was, came up beside me to hold me up, and spoke God's word to me and over me. God is so good! He knew my need and He tenderly met it. By the end of church on Saturday much of the fear was gone and I knew that whatever happened it would be ok because my hope is in the Lord, my hope IS the Lord and He is all I truly need. To those of you that helped me through this time (you know who you are), thank you for allowing the Lord to use you to minister to my hurting and fearfilled heart. You are precious to me.

As one of these ladies prayed with me she shared a portion of scripture I had not read for awhile. I'm not going to share it here right now because it felt like a personal gift from the Lord that I need to treasure in private for the time being. The portion she shared did get me thinking about God's heart towards women that have walked the same path I have been walking. The bible is filled with women in the old and new testaments that have experienced the struggles I am now facing. Hannah, Sarah, the woman that touched Christ's robe, Elizabeth. It tells me something about God's heart that He would use these examples to show His mercy, provision, healing, faithfulness and love. Those times that I feel alone and abandoned, all I need to do is look in His word and see the truth.

I want to dig even deeper into these portions of scripture. Does anyone know of any good commentaries or books that focus on the scriptures featuring these women specifically?