"REVERSAL!"

Back in high school and early college I went to Disneyland with a group of friends on a fairly regular basis. I don't remember when it first happened but at some point the Teacups in Fantasyland became a "must ride" attraction. Once we were settled in our teacups, the guys would prepare themselves for the start of the ride. It was vital that you get a good start from the moment the ride began or you would be playing catch up for the rest of the ride and never reach maximum spin velocity. In perfect unison the guys would move their hands round and round the wheel to get their teacup spinning as fast as they possibly could. I usually spent my time searching for a stationary object outside the teacup to focus on in an attempt to keep equilibrium. I've never figured out how they did this, but at the same moment I would regain some control of the nausea growing inside my stomach, one of the guys would yell "REVERSAL!" at the top of his lungs and suddenly the teacup would begin spinning at the same velocity but in the opposite direction. I'm sure you can imagine the impact this had on my inner ear and stomach.

At first I wasn't sure why I woke up the other morning with this memory replaying vividly in my mind. But as I thought about it I realized that this is what the last week or two has felt like; a giant reversal. The ride began with "You're pregnant" and just as I was coming out of the shock - "REVERSAL!"

I always knew the nausea and dizziness of the Teacup ride would be gone shortly after exiting the ride. This life reversal however has the potential of messing with my life for far longer if I allow it to. I'm discovering however that the only way to avoid permanent damage from such a wild ride is to keep my eyes on the Lord. He, and He alone must be the stationary object I focus on. He is the only thing I can depend on. I may experience more reversals in my life, but if I keep focused on Jesus I will not be destroyed by them, I will victoriously praise Him for His loving mercy once again.

Now For Something On the Lighter Side

I saw this video on a friend's MySpace account and it made me laugh, so after sharing so many serious posts I thought I might share something light hearted. Those of you that know me will understand why this tickled me so much. For those of you just getting to know me, enjoy learning a little bit more about me. Enjoy.

Rejoicing With a Heavy Heart

First, I want to thank all of you for such joyful responses to our news. You encouraged us greatly. What a blessing it has been these past two days to hear people rejoice along with us. As Rob and I spoke with people we have heard over and over again how news of this pregnancy renewed their faith, answered a prayer (not a prayer for us, but a private prayer they had prayed for themselves), showed them that God is alive and active in the lives of His children. It is this knowledge of how God used this child to minister to His body that brings comfort to me as I must now face the news that we have lost this pregnancy.

Even as I write that I am amazed at how God has ministered to my heart. You see, in my flesh, my usual knee jerk reaction is to have a little pity party. The ol' "well of course this happened, nothing good ever happens, blah, blah, blah." But God's grace and the prayers that have been covering us allow me to sit here tonight and say, my heart may be heavy - but my joy IS the Lord. He IS a God of miracles and has displayed one in my body, He is the source of my strength, and ALL of my hope is in Him. My hope has been restored. He is a good God and He loves me, and for that I am grateful.

Thanks in advance for your continued prayers. I look forward to the day when we can rejoice like this once again.

Love to you all...

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Romans 4:21 tells us that Abraham was, "being fully assured that what He (God) had promised, He was able also to perform." While I, unlike Abraham, wavered in unbelief, I too can now say with out a doubt say that what God had promised, He was able to perform. For you see - about 9 hours I ago I heard the words so many have been praying I would hear: "Congratulations, you are pregnant." I'm pregnant. I am PREGNANT. I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!! Even typing it is making me cry. I can't believe that God was so incredibly faithful even when I was not. He is so good!

I didn't post about my blood test on Monday because I woke up thinking that my period was starting and there was no need to do the test. Several days, and several negative home pregnancy tests later I went in today for a blood test just to set my mind at ease. Not to convince me that I was pregnant, because I didn't think I was. I wanted definative proof that I was not pregnant so each time that thought entered my mind I could combat it with what I thought was truth. Praise God I was wrong! Cause did you hear?? I'm pregnant!

Now that it's almost time for bed, I'm replaying the day in my mind. The thing that stands out to me besides the obvious is just how God has surrounded Rob and I with friends and family that have faithfully stood in the gap to pray for us over the years. Each time we told someone today, God reminded me of the way that person has prayed for us, encouraged us, cried with us and loved us. Each and every person displayed God's love to us and for us. Thank you to each and every one of you that has prayed for us, your ministry of prayer has touched us more than I can say.

I must ask you to continue to pray for our child. My hormone levels were low on the blood test. So please join us as we pray that these levels would increase to a healthy level. I'll keep you posted. Once again I must say it...GOD IS GOOD!!

Wait

Tomorrow ends another two week wait. How am I feeling about it? Numb. Half of me is completely excited about the fact that this could be the end of the journey, the other half is completely scared that this is just going to lead to disappointment. So to keep these two halves from driving me crazy I've gone numb.

Last night at church a friend shared something with me that I had not thought about before. This friend is going through this same situation so she shared what someone else had shared with her. If Sarah had been blessed with a child right away, without having to wait until she and Abraham were old, Issac would have been too old for Rebekah. God's timing is perfect. So we just need to trust Him and His timing.

So once again it all goes back to Psalm 27: 14 "Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart that courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." So that's what I'm going to do. Wait.

Cale and Nicole's Wedding

This past weekend I had the privilege of standing up for my "little sister" Nicole as she married her love Cale. It was an incredibly beautiful, and personal ceremony. Scott, the music director at our church did a great job as officiant (his very first, by the way). I love it when the pastor performing the ceremony knows the couple and can make it apply to them rather than just a cookie cutter event.

I took my camera to the event but didn't think through the fact that the Matron of Honor has very little opportunity to actually take pictures at a wedding, so until I can get copies of pictures from others, please take a peak at Elizabeth's Blog. She has some great shots.

A Day At Eagle Lake

On Monday Rob's family and I traveled North to enjoy a day of rest and fun at Eagle Lake. It rained on and off as we drove up there, and to be honest I was wondering why we were even going since Rob and I had to leave fairly early to get back to town for an IUI (we did two IUI's this cycle one on Monday and another on Tuesday). Once we got there, however, the rain disappeared and we had a blast out on the water enjoying each other's company.

Cool Slideshows!

Candace and Andy's Wedding

This past weekend we got to celebrate the marriage of my niece Candace to her fiance Andy. It was an incredibly beautiful, personal, and God filled ceremony. Here are a few pictures for you to enjoy.

Cool Slideshows!