We only have one more IUI to do. Since the holidays are coming we are going to wait to do that last one until sometime after the new year. I'm thankful I'll be off the meds for the holidays. That time of year has become increasingly difficult over the last few years, and the thought of facing them on meds is almost unbearable. So here we sit, again, facing our last chance of medical intervention resting wholly on our Lord's love, wisdom and mercy. I am tired and need to rest in Him for a while without thinking about this.
I sometimes feel like I am this issue. This is what I'm known for. This is how people interact with me. This is how people talk with me. I wonder is there anything more to me than infertility? Will people be as interested in my life if we are no longer going through treatment? Have I let this consume me to the point that I no longer exist outside of this issue? I have learned so much about the Lord through this journey. He has displayed His tenderness, His provision and His love countless times and in innumerable ways. I have not given up hope that we will have a child, I still believe. But I'm tired. I didn't know before that there is a difference between losing faith in something and growing weary. Now I think there is difference. Sometimes the Lord pushes us forward through our weariness to get to His goal. Other times He lets us rest in Him for a time, strengthening us to continue. Either way He gets us to where we need to be.
There really isn't a point to this post. I'm just thinking out loud. Thats it. Just thinking out loud.
3 comments:
It was neat to read this after our conversation today. I'm excited to know you more beyond "this" too, and excited to see how the Lord grows you as you explore him beyond infertility.
It's amazing that we can grow in the Lord, increase in our faith, release broken chains and change while all the while waiting on the Lord for that unanswered question. The best thing about that is, even if our question never gets answered, we haven't been stuck behind where we were when it all began.
I pray you can "rest" in God this day!!
Thanks for visiting my blog, Heather. I'm so sorry for all you are going through, but rest assured that you are so much more than this "issue". God says so! Just as the Lord has used my hurt to help others, I truly believe that He will draw on your experience in His time to minister to others as well. In the meantime, I will pray for your time of rest and pray FERVENTLY for what's to come...
May you feel Him near to you today!
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