When I Grow Up...

A long time ago in a state far far away, I was a teacher. I went to school for many years to become a teacher, taught third grade for a while and then found myself completely burned out. While I absolutely loved my time in front of the kids actually teaching, I was completely overwhelmed with practically every other aspect of the job. Yet here I am several years, and a couple of unfulfilling jobs later wondering if I should go back to the classroom.

I miss working with kids. I miss thinking of creative ways to explain a concept so that my students walk away at the end of the day knowing more than when we started. I miss witnessing that "oh, I get it!!" moment.

So why am I still in retail? Fear. I'm afraid that teaching here would not be different enough from my experience in California and I would be just as miserable as I was there. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that I can not continue doing what I am doing forever. I feel my gifts and talents beginning to atrophy within me.

As I continue to sort all of this out, I am open to suggestions. If you think you know what I should do with my career, please share, even if it is outlandish, even if you don't actually know me I'm open to hearing your thoughts too.

Epiphany

I recently had an epiphany that led to an apology. It all started with a trip to the fair. I accompanied my friend Judy and her family to the fair to watch the Moto X show (If you are not sure what that is watch the video below, even if you do know what it is watch the video because its cool). We enjoyed watching it so much Judy and I went back the next night to watch two more performances!

A few days after the show I had the epiphany: I am just like my mother! You see my mom loves watching NASCAR. She's traveled several hours on several occasions to watch major races. I have mocked my mother on a rather frequent basis about this (which is where the apology fits into the story). I realized that watching cars fly around a track at break neck speeds and watching motorcycles do flips in the air are really not that different. I AM just like my mother - and I'm proud of it! We both are sideline adrenaline junkies.

"REVERSAL!"

Back in high school and early college I went to Disneyland with a group of friends on a fairly regular basis. I don't remember when it first happened but at some point the Teacups in Fantasyland became a "must ride" attraction. Once we were settled in our teacups, the guys would prepare themselves for the start of the ride. It was vital that you get a good start from the moment the ride began or you would be playing catch up for the rest of the ride and never reach maximum spin velocity. In perfect unison the guys would move their hands round and round the wheel to get their teacup spinning as fast as they possibly could. I usually spent my time searching for a stationary object outside the teacup to focus on in an attempt to keep equilibrium. I've never figured out how they did this, but at the same moment I would regain some control of the nausea growing inside my stomach, one of the guys would yell "REVERSAL!" at the top of his lungs and suddenly the teacup would begin spinning at the same velocity but in the opposite direction. I'm sure you can imagine the impact this had on my inner ear and stomach.

At first I wasn't sure why I woke up the other morning with this memory replaying vividly in my mind. But as I thought about it I realized that this is what the last week or two has felt like; a giant reversal. The ride began with "You're pregnant" and just as I was coming out of the shock - "REVERSAL!"

I always knew the nausea and dizziness of the Teacup ride would be gone shortly after exiting the ride. This life reversal however has the potential of messing with my life for far longer if I allow it to. I'm discovering however that the only way to avoid permanent damage from such a wild ride is to keep my eyes on the Lord. He, and He alone must be the stationary object I focus on. He is the only thing I can depend on. I may experience more reversals in my life, but if I keep focused on Jesus I will not be destroyed by them, I will victoriously praise Him for His loving mercy once again.

Now For Something On the Lighter Side

I saw this video on a friend's MySpace account and it made me laugh, so after sharing so many serious posts I thought I might share something light hearted. Those of you that know me will understand why this tickled me so much. For those of you just getting to know me, enjoy learning a little bit more about me. Enjoy.

Rejoicing With a Heavy Heart

First, I want to thank all of you for such joyful responses to our news. You encouraged us greatly. What a blessing it has been these past two days to hear people rejoice along with us. As Rob and I spoke with people we have heard over and over again how news of this pregnancy renewed their faith, answered a prayer (not a prayer for us, but a private prayer they had prayed for themselves), showed them that God is alive and active in the lives of His children. It is this knowledge of how God used this child to minister to His body that brings comfort to me as I must now face the news that we have lost this pregnancy.

Even as I write that I am amazed at how God has ministered to my heart. You see, in my flesh, my usual knee jerk reaction is to have a little pity party. The ol' "well of course this happened, nothing good ever happens, blah, blah, blah." But God's grace and the prayers that have been covering us allow me to sit here tonight and say, my heart may be heavy - but my joy IS the Lord. He IS a God of miracles and has displayed one in my body, He is the source of my strength, and ALL of my hope is in Him. My hope has been restored. He is a good God and He loves me, and for that I am grateful.

Thanks in advance for your continued prayers. I look forward to the day when we can rejoice like this once again.

Love to you all...